Gratification through Sadness

Acrosticism

2007-08-13T00:53:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have found myself at a line that's been drawn.
And now, I'm not sure......whether to cross it or not.
Understanding that this might be the real thing, and
Realizing that I might be able to pronounce my love for you,
And that you have the opportunity to turn away and leave.

My love for you in undying, yet unknown...
.

Ever After

2007-05-13T18:55:00.000-05:00

Tick…tock
Tick….
Tock.
Each second seems an eternity,
As I await my collapse into infinity.
I draw the noose taut,
Around the arms of the vagabond.
Bound as one, prick the flesh, as
Red tears weep gently for me.

Tick…tock
Tick….
Tock.
Each second seems an eternity,
As I transcend into false purity.
Knowing I cannot stay here,
Comfort is forever estranged.
Holding great contempt for life, as
Red tears weep gently for me.

Tick…tock
Tick….
Tock.
Each second seems an eternity
As I descend back into depravity.
Purple blotches remain,
To remind us of each time we run away.
Their presence signifies disdain, as
Red tears weep gently for me.

Image Credit: http://flickr.com/photos/photodar/

Mary

2006-11-15T14:25:00.000-05:00

Thank you for inviting me here,

Everything looks lovely.
Your parents are the best, dear

Life is so grand.

This meat is to tasty, so tender.

Must not have more than three bites though.

I'll have a few more green beans,

No, I really am quite full.

Excuse me for a moment,

Be back in a second.

I need to be alone for a while.

Pardon me.

The mirror is stained and my vision is blurry

And my old friend greets me again.

Staring back into the eyes of an angel

who's fallen, fallen again.

I wish I were a princess,

So fair and so thin.

Instead of feeling feeble from

Losing weight again.

Why am I doing this to myself

What am I doing this for

Why do I do this to myself

Who am I doing this for

I wish I were prettier

I wish I were thinner

Time to dry my eyes now,

my food's getting cold.

Lies

2006-11-13T12:38:00.000-05:00

It's my fault.

I don't deserve better

I deserve to be treated this way.

I don't care how long you are gone.

I understand that you cannot be faithful.

It's my fault.
These are tears of happiness.
My makeup covers the bruise.

You didn't mean to do it.

I sometimes make you hit me.

It's my fault.
I think you are a good spouse.
I feel safe with you.
I don't want to run away from you.

This is where I belong.

Advice

2006-10-27T14:05:00.001-05:00

Crows feet embrace his eyes,
A knowing squint, telltale signs of wisdom
Looking out, beyond the present
Into young eyes staring back in awe.

Waving smoke from his face,
Flippant yet defiant.
And the delicate, subtle stench of fine cognac,
Wafted lazily with each syllable.

You are too young to know
That the world has different intentions.
It's a sad state of affairs

when the world isn’t as sunny as it seems.

You haven’t quite learned
That fate shows no pity, no compassion
You’ll soon see nothing but grief around you

As chance metes out our consequence

Young eyes dim and lips begin to turn down
on the face of a crestfallen child

The man realizes the sails have been shorn

While his gaze softens , he says:

Now there, it’s not all that bad
There’s plenty of good in this world, take
This moment, this second, this very instant

Is worth all the pain I've experienced.

Lost and Found

2006-10-26T10:39:00.000-05:00

As emotions and commotion
tend to swirl and surround…
We are lost and found

Our souls are hollow, simply follow
‘cause we’re blind and bound…
We are lost and found

Time for battle, herded cattle
On the proving grounds...
We are lost and found

Overburdened, that’s for certain
And now we've been crowned….
We are lost and found

They enslave us, and betray us
Spin us ‘round and ‘round…
We are lost and found.

See the fire of desire
as the world burns down…
We are lost and found

Good

2006-10-25T13:08:00.000-05:00

Hues of amber pierce through nothingness.
Strident lights that signify new hope
Reveal gentle ripples on the surface of uncertainty.

Will they sustain you…suspend you?
Perhaps they will simply observe?
No, its purpose is to envelop you
To fill the entire void of your soul.

And in that moment,
Oblivious to the notion of time.
The cool embrace of conformance
Makes you feel whole.

Shiver

2006-10-22T23:11:00.000-05:00

You caught me off guard; I didn’t see that coming.
It’s not like I didn’t know this day would come,
But to be honest, I wasn’t quite prepared.

You crept inside,
Stealthily,
Disarmingly,
Confusingly,
And leave the next step to me?

But it’s you that has the master plan!
It’s you on whom I rely!
I only fear that my affections will cause you
To see me as I truly am.

Scared, weak,
Impotent by the thought of your love
Your caress, your fragrance.
This is my penance for squandering away, as
Past gifts lay before my feet.

You are the enforcer of my karmic balance,
Yet I delight in this series of events.
I bask in the thought of you wrenching my heart,
As I have grown tired of running,
Running,
Running away
From myself.

Pretend

2006-10-22T22:54:00.000-05:00

I stand alone,
Embracing my solitude amidst the masses.
Rushing, stumbling,
Pretending that I’m not there.

I cry alone,
Embracing my agony amidst the whispers.
Taunting, prodding
As though I should not be there.

I kneel alone,
Embracing my memory amidst the flashes.
Suffering, numbing
Pretending that I’m not there.

I walk alone,
Embracing my confidence amidst my pain.
Pulling, dragging
As though I was not there.

Either Way

2006-10-22T01:32:00.000-05:00

Please don’t worry, what’s the hurry, don’t disturb me,
Should we walk down this road again?
Let’s discover, in each other, who we are now,
As we walk down this road again.

Either way, here I am; I thought you'd like to know.

What’s the danger of two strangers that exchange words?
Should we walk down this road again?
Simple shadows overshadow who we are now,
As we walk down this road again.

Either way, here I am; I thought you'd like to know.

I still wonder, going under, how I blundered
Should we walk down this road again?
Let’s keep going without knowing who we are now
As we walk down this road again.

Either way, here I am; I thought you'd like to know.

Recovery

2006-10-22T00:55:00.000-05:00

I am here for you.
I do what you want me to.
But why don’t you call out to me?
Why won’t you let me be?
Cause I am nothing without you?
And I just want to be with you?

I can’t take much more of this.
I taste the bitter sweetness.
But why you don’t call out to me?
And still you won’t let me be?
Cause I am nothing without you.
And I still want to be with you.

I am done with you.
I won’t do what you want me to.
And now, you call out to me?
Why won’t you let me be?
Cause I am something without you?
And I don’t want to be with you?

And you mean nothing to me.

Phrases I havent said enough.

2005-05-08T21:21:00.000-05:00

“I’m Sorry”…
for everything I have done to you.

“Thank you”…
for everything you’ve done for me.

“Forgive Me”…
in case there’s no tomorrow.

“I’ll see you soon”…
just in case there might be.

Alone

2005-05-05T00:46:00.000-05:00

Alone,
Although my solace comforts me
Alone,
Although my soul isn't there
Alone,
When I look deep into you eyes
Alone,
Because your soul isn't there

And now,
This pain, it moves, soothes me
And now
This pain, its too much to bear
And now,
I look into your burdened eyes
And now,
I see your soul isn't there

So now,
Let's move toward the light that bathes us
So now,
Let's forget that life isn't fair
So now,
I look deep into your eyes
So now,
I see that my soul is impaired.

Weapons

2005-04-30T15:53:00.000-05:00

Its time to set aside the sword
of wholesome discontent.
Broad strikes against all I’ve known
Paint the landscape of my affections.

It’s time to lay the shield down
And heal our tattered ends
We fend off tears of reconciliation to
Paint the landscape of the afflicted.

Its time to drive the dagger down
Into our chasm of doubt.
The serrated edges of self-esteem
Paint the landscape of the unknown.

Its time to set the quiver down
And see through untainted eyes .
The arrows of anger have been drawn to
Paint the landscape of the oppressed

Its time we leave defense behind,
Stale air in our armory.
So the winds of truth can blow to
Paint the landscape of the lost.

Joy?

2005-04-30T12:20:00.000-05:00

Searching within the dew of truth,
Acknowledging the lies that brought me here
Droplets of rain form and descend on me,
Nurturing with arbitrary empathy
Even when the drops dry away with time
Solitude remains with me, as I
Savor my dilemma with contempt

Rebirth

2005-04-27T20:43:00.000-05:00

Floating Leaves Surround
The young as they lay dreaming
Spring is here again

Clarity

2005-04-27T20:38:00.000-05:00

Is your pain truly real,
When you only lied to yourself?
With baited breath and slim guarantees,
You’ve only assured your loneliness.

Is it the solitude where you confide?
Do your demons lend a kind ear?
Somewhere in the void that is your passion,
Lies a place where the truth still hurts.

Do you see the blood stains on your dress?
Are your emotions too hard to impress,
…upon yourself.

Dreams,
Are only made for fools,
Who believe the lies they tell themselves,
When nothing else will suffice.

Where is your redemption?
Is it underneath your bed?
Can you explain the memories,
Of visions not yet corrupted?

Can you wash the blood stains from your dress?
Is the truth that hard to suppress,
…within you

Your redemption has left you,
In the place that you are safest.
As you corrupt the memories.
you havent developed yet.

Haiku.

2005-04-27T20:19:00.000-05:00

Infinite Sadness,
Bittersweet thoughts of times past.
Together we cry.

The Cloud

2005-04-26T23:36:00.000-05:00

Out in the desert stood a young fragile weed,
suffocating from the searing air of despair.
She thirsts for hope, for the water of life,
and patiently awaits her redemption.

Over the sky, a cloud passes near.
nature and pride has brought him to this place.
with the leverage of life he passes along,
drifting and floating nigh.

The young weed sees this noble giant
and meekly calls out his name.
Oh cloud! you are made of what i crave,
please extend your compassion to me!

"Why should i waste my gifts upon you," said the cloud,
"As if you are worthy of my remedy?"
My fruit is for the roses, who live past the mountain
And your place is out here in the sand.

And the cloud, gently swayed by the currents of guilt,
as he crested the mountainous ledge.
With the glimpse of the roses and a weed far away,
he felt the humidity of his heartbreak.

He returns to the spot of the heat and the sand,
of abandoned prayers and broken wings,
as he outstreched his arms out and supplied his truth,
he called out to the most worthy of all.

Wake up! It's me!
I have brought your salvation and joy!
But the young weed, she could not recieve his gifts,
As she lay, wilted in the sand.